I am still amazed when God uses me in even the smallest of ways. Honestly, I'm not just amazed, I'm ASTOUNDED. Who am I? I'm certainly not worthy of being used by God. I'm not even worthy of holding the title "Pastor's Wife". But when the day is done, He is the One who called me to that position. He is the One who gave me to Ryan. He called Ryan to Pastor, and spread the Gospel, therefore, He had to call me as well. We are one, and if He called Ryan, then He called me. You hear people say all the time, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." I've said it myself- to those in doubt, no less. When it is often times I don't feel equipped in the least. But when I really truly think about it, the magnitude that He wants to use me, is beyond my understanding, or even at times, my desire. (That's where the old flesh pops in right there...my desire).
As I'm growing in the Lord, and enjoying my journey in ministry, I'm in awe when I realize, that small little gesture I thought might have just been me, was actually the Holy Spirit prompting me. This past Monday, I thought of a dear friend that is also a pastor's wife. We are not extremely close, but I admire her, look up to her and consider her a mentor. (whether she realizes it or not). So it's not everyday that she comes to my mind, but she did on Monday. So I spoke a quick prayer over her. Nothing big, or dramatic. Just a simple prayer for the Lord to guide her steps and to be with her. I sent her a quick text telling her that I was thinking of her and said a prayer for her that day. Simple, not super spiritual...you get the idea. Her reply was "Thank you Paula!" I went on about my day, thinking nothing more of it.
Yesterday, I got a text, looked at my phone and it was from her. It stated, "Wow, I didn't know what your prayer was for on Monday, but I've sure felt it the rest of this week! Thank you for praying!" Now, I was at work at this time, had I been at home, I probably would've cried and snotted like I don't know what. But since I was at work, I controlled myself- no worries people! It was at that moment that I realized, it wasn't just a prayer I prayed. It wasn't me that just thought of her. The Holy Spirit prompted it! WOW. With all the people that she and her husband pastors, with all of her other friends in ministry that God could have used. He chose me. ME!!!!! That just blows my mind!
I have no idea what she faced this week, it might have been major, or almost nothing. But what if I hadn't taken the time to pray for her? How often do we feel like we should pray for someone, or call them, or shoot them a Facebook message, or a text, and life happens and it gets by us? What if God uses someone else, and we miss out on being a vessel for God? I don't ever want to miss out on what God has for me to do. But, what if we were the only one He wanted to use for that situation? If we didn't obey that tug, or nudge, or racing heart, or even that brief thought? It took less than a minute for me to say that quick prayer for her Monday. She didn't feel it that day, but the rest of this week it helped her. Not only did it help her, it helped me. It was just another little confirmation that God really does want to use me.
I know that seems so trivial, and simple. You'd have to know me, and know that I do have insecurities in how God wants to use me. After 16 years in full-time ministry, I still struggle with this. He is stretching me and making me get out of my comfort zone to walk where He wants me. I don't want to be comfortable any longer. If I'm comfortable, then I'm not being willing. Willing to do what jobs He has for me in my life, and in Ryan's and my ministry. The devil has tried too long to put thoughts in my head that I wasn't enough. I wasn't good enough, or smart enough, or wise enough. But I'm learning that as long as I am searching Him and staying in His Word, He gives me the wisdom and "smarts" that I need. After all, He made me. He knows my insecurities. He also knows my heart, and that I want to do what He wants me to do. I may not hit it out of the park every time. I may crash and burn at times, ok, A LOT.
One thing is for sure through all of those crashes and burns, I've learned from them. And the heartache, and disappointments I have felt, I've learned from those as well. Most of the time, I end up being able to help someone else through something that I went through. Then it hits me, and I think, "if I went through that for this one person, so I could help them through it, then it was worth it." I truly believe that. Why? Because His Word says, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 NKJV. It is as simple as that.
My prayer for you today is that you will be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Allow Him to use you in whatever way He wants. As insignificant as you think it is, it will be BIG to someone else. Don't disregard that name that enters your mind, if even for only a second. Say that prayer, send that text, pick up the phone. Do what you feel led to do. You don't have to know the answers, it's not for you to know all the time. God knows. He has is already worked out. He knows the outcome. The only thing you need to know is, will you be willing to be a vessel?
Enjoy the Journey!